Monday, March 30, 2009

Post DABA Glow

I really didn't like the DABA girls blog at first, I saw some of their press and figured they were just a couple of Murray Hill bitches. The more I read it, the more I see it - I'm a recovering banker-dater.

I'm somewhat recently out of a relationship with someone in finance, we called it quits late last year. I don't write about him much because this is what I'm doing to keep my mind off him. This, and dating every other single submissive guy in NYC.

Our first big fight was after Behr Sterns closed, by the time the shit hit the fan at Morgan, we were fighting over stupid stuff. I watched this tall man with the bespoke suits and cufflinks start slouching. he wasn't getting his hair cut quite as often. All of this trickled down into the bedroom.

Long story short, I have not had any in months. What I did have with him twards the end was not very good. I've had orgasms, I've had oral sex. I'm had kinky fun time, but I knew I had an itch to scratch and I had a feeling it was going to be intense. The sex was good, he's a very sexual troll. So good that as I was building up to orgasm, my chest lit up like a Gloworm. For serious. Bright, like when your legs go all blotchy from running for the first time in ages, but it was all over my chest and creeping up my neck. It was honestly a little scary. I looked it up, it's called a Sex Flush and I have seen it before, but never nearly as bright. I'm glad I got this out of the way with a troll, not someone I have invested interest in. It was a little akward.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Don't ask me.

The majority of comments here go unpublished. I did not start this blog to collect other peoples opinions. This is about me, more specifically - it's about my sex life. It's not about your sex life, that interests me very little.

If you think D/s relationships are "dysfunctional" then you must not be functioning very well in your own relationships, because you are spending your time reading about D/s. If you don't like what you are reading, you always have the option of simply closing the window. Just don't expect me to air your disapproval.

I get allot of what are probably genuine questions about the NYC "fetish scene". These generally go unanswered and unpublished. I am not your guide to NYC's sexy underbelly. Before you ask me a general question try typing "NYC foot fetish" or "cuckold" into google. You'll find that I am far from alone in my interests. If you are truly interested in getting your fetish query answered by me, you'll call me.

As for my personal relationships, if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything. I'm sure it's frustrating being a guy who is stuck on a particular fetish, knowing that you will never, ever be with a girl like me because you cannot embrace the full spectrum of D/s. I might feel like cuckolding one day, and bondage the next. I might just want to go shopping. For someone stuck on a particular act, I can see how this is confusing. Take it as an opportunity to learn. Maybe you'll be good enough for me one day, probably not, but chasing rainbows is better than being a stick in the mud.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I like sex.

I'm not sure how some of you ladies you it, er.... don't do it. I just love a good 'ol humpin.

Being a cuckstress I often want it with not my primary, but guess what - springs sprung and I don't have one. What I do have is a telephone/email romance with a Dr. in California (who I will meet in about 10 days) and a troll. So, I am going to have sex with the troll but I don't want to get all weird about it. We have a date Tomorrow.

I have'nt had sex with anyone other than my ex-boyfriend in almost 2 years. Wow, I just realized I am totally why guys get frustrated with online dating. Despite not putting out I've been on oh, a dozen dates this year. Granted, I have done so much making out that I am lucky not to have oral herpes, and I've messed around a bit. I've not met anyone sex-worthy, they are all flakey and Jerseyish.

The troll has gone down on me for hours and taken quite a bit of abuse. He makes me feel so giddy, I could not fall asleep at his place and left in the middle of the night. That little trick always drives the boys crazy, usually I just can't sleep - or maybe it's a weeknight. This time my boss will be out the next day... so I can sneak in late.

Even though it's been awhile, I wish he was bigger.

Monday, March 23, 2009

This is the story of the Boys from Craiglist,

This song always reminds me of my CL encounters with boys who identify as submissive;

This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled

And how the skin was softly shed
And how it whispered, "Oh, adhere to me
For we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb"
This is the story of your red right ankle

This is the story of your gypsy uncle
You never knew because he was dead
And how his face was carved and ripped with wrinkles
In the picture in your head
And remember how you found the key
To his hideout in the Pyrenees
But you wanted to keep his secret safe
So you threw the key away
This is the story of your gypsy uncle

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet and some were cold and snubbed you
And some just laid around in bed
And some, they crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some, they crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you

This is the story of your red right ankle

The boy who turned me onto this band (The Decemberists) has a consuming foot fetish. We ate pancakes at Clinton street Bakery, playing hooky on a weekday. He complimented me on my silk Pucci scarve with a "wow". Then, he told me the saddest story about Ferragamo loafers I ever heard; his daddy died in Ferragamo loafers - it was cold and he never wore socks. He was just a kid.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Dr. Baggage & Taxidermy footwear

Why? And Where?? Would you wear $42,000 shoes?? Practical in these tulmultuous times, perfect for bird-watching, as those are real birds with crystals on their heads. These would be perfect for a Marie Antionette themed party, in Dubai.

A seemingly nice Dr. from the west coast contacted me on Thus far he's normal, he will be in the area in a couple weeks, we talked on the phone. He seems nice

On New Years Day, 2002 I had a very painful breakup with a MD who split his time between London and NYC. He is an entitled prick who knows exactly how to say the right things, in the beginning he even did the right things but it desegregated into him being too busy to ever do anything other than sexy-fun-time. Eventually he said the wrong things, in the wrong way. He's not one of the exes I keep in touch with, although I do think of him often, for years I could not go to the West Village because it had ghosts of me with him. This new guy is saying all the right things, so I am suspicious.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Marie Claire Article on Alpha Women


This is not me, but it is some women I know.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Dominant Females in Mainstream Media

My favorite dominant women in Mainstream Media

1) Madonna
2) Martha Stewart
3) Parker Posey in Dazed and Confused
4) Parker Posey in Basqiat
5) Dolly Parton
6) Veruca Salt
7) Mary Poppins
8) Anna Wintour
9) January Jones from MadMen
10) Lucy from Peanuts

Who are yours?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ugly Subs

Holy Hell, there are some ugly subs out there.

Gave up craiglist and now I am wasting precious time on, and it's the exact same people with the exact same usernames, Some of them are OK, but most of the ones who look ok have a blurry picture or cut their faces out. So who really knows, my shitty date Saturday looked kinda like one of those far side comics of a cow, and much of what I am seeing on collarme reminds me of going to the Renaissance Fair in high school, creepy juggler types and pimply computer nerds slinking around the shire, oogling the maidens.

Are there any cute subs I have not offended with my blog? By the way, I in no way mean any disrespect to cows or jugglers. And, in case you wondered - I don't use this blog for internet dating purposes. This is just me telling a bunch of strangers about my ugly dates.

I'm actually not superficial. My funny little troll is not all that attractive, but as I got drunk to know him I developed an attraction, real, pheramonal draw. I really like the way he smells, sometimes...

He's a big guy, he's soft, squat, troll-ish. When I like him, he's like a big doughy baby and I just wanna kiss him and squeeze his balls till he feels sick, but then he forgets valentines day and he's back to being the troll by the bridge. I actually heard from him last week. He send me a text last Monday saying he would like to see me soon. I told him maybe. We have been out of step since Valentines and I just don't see him trying very hard. If only there was a device that denied men orgasms until they send flowers or make lavender creme brule...

Requiem for OTP

My favorite shoe store is closing. Otto Tootsie Plohound (herein after referred to as OTP) is closing the doors on the flagship 5th ave store, the west village and soho store closed last year. I made out like a bandit, but my success was bittersweet.

Friday was payday, I took a walk down 5th after work thinking maybe a lipstick from Sephora, but I saw these

I Love Love Love them, if I had a fetish - it would be anything ballet, or ballet inspired. Some of my ballet teachers were elegant, controlling French women with tight buns (in their hair) and long limbs. One carried a stick, and she's smack you if you needed to turn out or tuck it, it hurt and she would say "Good,I want it to hurt and I hope you can feel it tomorrow"

OTP was the stuff dreams are made of, girl dreams. Flip-Flip-booties, insane, artful heels. Years a little subbie who followed a friend and I shopping, we hit the annual buy 1 get one sale at OTP and she made the ultimate score, red cowboy boots. I got two pairs of boots, pink and purple - both from FreeLance. Ah, French shoes. My lucky little friend got to carry them all, and they had some issue with bags and apologetically tied the boxes with string. The effect was charming, like something out of a Grace Kelly Movie, except my friend and I were singing;

You down With OTP?
Yeah you know me!
Whos down with OTP?

The Mondays of March

I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling to pull herself out of bed today, it's been a long winter and we are all a bit irritable. We are all spending a bit too much time on the internet (myself included). I'm not saying that my shitty date on Saturday had anything to do with me, in retrospect that person should not be dating. I should have screened more carefully, maybe I should have just seen him in a session - this person clearly has more experience on the pro end of things.

He's a business traveler, he seems to be gone 1/3 of the time or more. He has no time for a relationship, and has no business responding to a personal ad from someone seeking a long term relationship. He should just pay someone until he adjusts his priorities and makes it so he has something to offer.

Of course, guys catch all kinds of bad habits from pros. They expect that all dominant women always dress like we are getting paid hundreds of dollars to have playtime with a business traveler. Had I just had a session with him he would have made damn sure he was on time and didn't need a cab, I would have needed one because I would have been wearing my hot new heels. He would have bought me earrings, and I wouldn't even have to put up with his oogling while I made my selection. And best of all, we both would have had playtime.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

How to loose a Dominant in one date

I went on my last craigslist date today, this guy came in from NJ to meet. He wanted to be my cuckold and acted all sincere and eager about it. Subs who are too eager are never very good.

He took me to a nice brunch, it took about a dozen emails before he managed the reservation. As I have mentioned before, I not not consiter a shared meal a tribute. He was there and benefited, he had a steak and oogled me. It was fun for him. Simply having brunch with a dominant woman is not servitude.

he suggested shopping as a after-brunch activity. I was looking at earrings. Stuff from $24-$40, for a specific date He was asking all the right questions, pointing out styles with a long hang that show off my neck, but did he offer to pickup the tab? No, and he even acted exasperated that I was actually going to buy earring when the economy is tanking. Then what did he do? He took a cab back to Penn station.

I'm not looking for a financial slave, I don't want to dominate someone in that way, I want someone who chooses to do what will please me most. Someone who makes sacrifices in his own life yo please me. I understand that we all have to cut back right now, and I have. I brown bag my lunch and shop at Gap. It's all about choices - those earrings cost a wee bit more than round trip cab fare and someone could have easily taken the subway.

This person cannot fulfill the primary duties outlined in my ad because he does not live in Manhattan. he applied to be a cuckold. To prepare me for dates. he'll never be a date because he's not attractive, or particularly interesting - and he knows this. I'm not sure what he's good for, certainly not the position he applied for. Shopping was one of the things he suggested doing for me as a cuckold. Of course, if the task was laundry - he would have been happy to oblige. This is NYC, I send my laundry out and the cost is shockingly close to what I would spend either doing it myself or letting some idiot mess around with my stuff in a laundrymat. Seriously, I'd overpay for soap and spend $10 on machines, or for $13 have it done right and deliviered by people who wash clothes for a living. So, we have someone who is willing to waste my time messing around for whats fun for him (my dirty socks) but cannot put his own desires aside and serve me without serving his own fetish.

It's not about earrings, it's about tribute. He could have paid for the frozen yogurt I stopped for, he clearly didn't want to be in a girly yogurt place, but it was an opportunity for him to show willingness to serve, for a mere $5 he could have tributed me with fancy yogurt. A normal, horny alpha male wishing to earn the affection of the average urban girl would have kept my ears happy, paid for my pinkberry and not tried to make it all about dirty socks. A smart horny guy might even pretend to like pinkberry.

I stopped doing ProDomme sessions because the booking process was exhausting. Screening, managing expectations, dealing with dorks who want nothing more than to waste my time as taking more time than the session. I think this actually took longer to plan, I should have known when he required guidance in making a brunch reservation that this would be a useless date.

Fab post by Kate on How to Respond to a Personal Ad

The only thing I would ad is this, boys need to remember that they are the NOT the ones who need to be careful. Lets not forget who commits 99.9999% of violent crimes- males do. Boys need to keep in mind that they are the health risk, the pervert,the potential stalker. An average dudes worst internet dating scenario is meeting someone unattractive, then maybe that person calls or emails. Not much of a risk. I'm so tired of the trepidation, don't date on the internet if you can't take the risk of not knowing exactly who you might be meeting.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

What I want

Monday, March 9, 2009

My current ad on Craig's List

Title - Dominant Dater seeks Submissive Cuck - 29

Lets start with a disclaimer, this is not for everyone. If this is something you are interested in, please put a bit of time and effort into your response - if it's not your thing, or is something you are only curious about please do not waste my time and yours.

This is not something I am looking to try out once, I am seeking something ongoing. This is my second time posting, I posted about a month ago and some responses seemed promising, one even had all his hair but scheduling became an issue. Be clear in your response about your availability; you should have an evening or two a week to dedicate to ME. you should be single, something could develop. you should read the entire ad, maybe more than once, before you answer. DO NOT, tell me about your fetish - this is not about you, it's about what you can do for ME. DO NOT ask for more info about me until you have provided some about yourself.

This is NOT an invitation into my bedroom. Fantasies are just that, and my life is not your fantasy. If you want to fit into my life, you need to conform to my reality.

My reality is this, I am an active dater. I've been with submissive men, in California I lived with one for years, but I have found NYC subs to be too pathetic and demanding (not a good combo btw) to deal with on a serious level. I mostly date men of the tall dark and dominant variety, but I do miss my short, pathetic sub guys.


It's simple, really. get me ready for my dates. Draw baths, pick up dry cleaning. Arrange my hair and nail appointments, make sure I have clean and sexy lingerie and stockings, and if your really lucky, I'll let you keep dirty pair. Ideally, you can do this in your home - I am NOT seeking a "domestic slave" or "houseboy" - if you ask to serve in my home, you'll be marked as spam and all future emails will go to the spam folder where they will stay, unread.

To be perfectly clear - this is NOT about you indulgently sniffing my shoes. It's about ME, and what you can do to make MY dates and My life run more smoothly. The best fit would be a cuck with his own place in Manhattan, as I am a Manhattanite. If you not single or Manhattan based, think very carefully about what you can offer in this relationship before writing me. Speaking of fit, I am - very, but before you even ask for my picture, you will provide yours.

Proof of willingness to serve required, one line emails will be deleted, unread (thanks to the magic of gmail) and emails with pictures attached will be read before those with nothing attached.

This is NOT a cash arrangement I am not a "pro" looking for "roses". No, I have a totally different profession, but that does not make my stockings free to any curious, would-be stocking-sniffer. If you expect a response, be clear about whay you can do for ME.

Show ME how good you can be to ME if you want ME to take pity on your pathetic submissive self.

Has it been successful? No.

The best to come of it was a note from Kate Webb. In retrospect, I should have never mentioned stockings or baths, as there is no shortage of stocking sniffers who want to hang out in my bathroom. The sub who brought flowers was from this ad, he subsequently broke dates and won't be getting more. I get lots of email from married men who offer me nothing. Threating to mark the houseboys as spam did curb the usual influx of men who offer only that, I get the impression that boys only read what is interesting to them and ignore the rest of the ad.

The Pro's of craiglist is that it's easy, I can post or browse for work. The Con, everything there is used, much of it in bad condition. Because there is no commitment theres is a ton of bullshit.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Shoes of the week

The Lanvin ankle straps are classic, and the YSL "Cage Bootie" well - I'm sure not everyone likes them but...

It's not about you, is it?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Nostalgic for my dungeon days

I have been reading Peridot Ash's blog with fervor. She is an SFBay girl who has worked strait jobs, worked as an escort, and as a ProDomme. I love her writing! The way she is offhanded about sexuality reminds me of back when Diabo Cody was a stripper/blogger (minus the corny worplay). She comes through with just a touch of vunerablity and seems to be able to distance herself from her work and talk about it from a unique perspective.

I love posts like this one, where she likens the unwanted attention of an older man to escort work -

Older guys in bars who engage me in “conversation” always give me the feeling that I’m expected to play the role of an attentive female full of girlish curiousity, wonderment and assent. They are almost never interested in anything I might have to say if it’s not a question that doesn’t pertain to themselves or some little bit of wisdom or knowledge that only they possess and through generous masculine benevolence are willing to share with such a “sweet girl.” The older, more experienced, and more knowledgeable I become myself, the more patronized I feel by these “conversations” with men in bars. Feigning interest and pretending to be stupid so somebody else can feel smart empties out a lot of emotional energy and self esteem. In a sense, it’s work I don’t get paid for.

I thought about this post on my commute today, I've spent much time in the Bay Area and have known many different types of sex industry workers. People have different comfort levels, some people would rather be to topless than let a stranger touch her feet. Dancers I have known say the stage feels safe to them, it's not for me - but it's not for me to judge either.

What I was turning over and over in my head was this, it seems like the biggest difference between her "johns" and "subs" is that johns want her to pretend they are actually interesting.

Reading about some of her sessions made me nostalgic for my fetish work days. For me it was a natural progression out of the foot fetish scene and into something less defined. I never did any hardcore session, no serious pain, no strap-on play. Some day, I'll write about some of my sessions. I was very selective and always had another job, I took only sessions I wanted to take and handled everything myself, as as resulted I never had any unpleasant surprises.

I can tell you this much, it was far easier to find a man to tribute me in a session than it is to find a man to tribute in a traditional setting. Sessions are playtime, and it gave me the opportunity to play with people I would not normally make time for, along with most of the people reading this the vast majority of my sessions were with married or or attached men. Trying to find a a lifestyle match is far more difficult, I am looking for something lasting, but I am still shocked at the general lack of manners in these men, I'm overwhelmed by offers for coffee and houseboy offers.

Coffee is cheap, and I can make it at home. There is no reason for me to venture out in public to meet a stranger for coffee. I understand the desire to confirm that we are "both who we say we are" but there is no need to be cheap about it. Spend an extra few bucks at a bar.

As for houseboys, this is all I am going to say. Domestic servitude is a high honor, not one reserved for strange men I meet on the internet. Housekeepers are bonded and good at what they do, despite the fact that they make very little. So, houseboys are asking to be held in a position of high honor while bringing little value to the relationshop, therefore the answer is always "no".

I'm inspired for a new post, I'll post my ad here then work on an answer guide, something I can spam back at those who send me a copy/pasted fetish resume.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

10 things about me

Inspired by a popular facebook note, where users post 25 things that other people don't know about them. When you post, it's your chance to "tag" other users, I'm bending the rules here and only posting ten things, and I am tagging Kate and Irina

1) I have never seen the inside of a gym

2) I can still fit into my high school cheerleading uniform, my first modeling job (in my mid-20's) was Jr's clothing.

3) I'm a Charlotte, although I have worked $300 shoes with $10 dresses I am not a Carrie. My closet overfloweth, and I do write this from my mac laptop, in the big apple but at my core - I am a suburban girl. I don't sleep around, I don't carry condoms in my purse, I believe in true love, traditional values, family life and the locked C's of Chanel.

4) I'm a big fan of pajamas, robes, slippers and such. NYC is a walking city, and often what I wear in my daily life is not terribly comfortable. As soon as I get home, I take that shit off. I do not, however wear my pajamas outside, ever.

5) I shop at the gap, I'm a lover of fashion - and I tend to like bold pieces, so this is a shocker to some but, my basics are often very basic. Comfy too.

6) I can cook, I'm actually quite domestic. I can sew too. Martha Stewart is a Dominant Diva (see 7)

7) The women who have inspired my dominant nature have been, for the most part - mothers of people I knew growing up, including my own.

5) I am not a force to be fucked with

9) I'm double jointed almost everywhere, I can get into some crazy yoga positions, but - because I have been lazy about my yoga practice this year (I have gone to class exactly once) I cannot, at present, touch my perfect toes (without being my knees)

10) I am from a large family, maybe that has something to do with my dominant nature, too much sharing growing up.