Calls I don't do.

I had two back to back ridiculous wanker foot fantasy calls yesterday, the first told me a friend left her high heels shoes in his car (how did that happen?!?) and wanted me to indulge him in a fantasy wherein she discovers that he wanked in her shoe, what a dreamboat! The second wanted to wank in my stockings, both guys got a big fat dialtone.

I don't do wank calls, the site I use is not "phonesex" they define our role as Advisor. I give advise, and I don't advise dropping a load in someone elses personal property. I advise subs to be the best they can be, I told the shoe-finder to get his friend some new shoes, he was young and could learn. Stocking guys are generally older, if someone has been doing ther fetish routine for 10 years or more they probably are not interested in mixing it up. If someone calls me already in the process of jerking off, I hang up without giving them fodder. I have mostly repeat callers who I enjoy chatting with, we have real conversations. If someone insists on driving and the destination is jerking off, I'm not interested in retaining them.

People say that it must be really weird to have horny guys calling me all day, but how different is it than working in say.... marketing, my first marketing job was in a tech company, most employees looked like trolls, but somehow everyone in my department was tall, blond and perfect-looking. My boss would insist we had lunch together, sit too close to me and - several years later, makes odd comments about facebook pictures. I can honestly say that my regular callers are far more polite than the average leering guy in your office. I'd say the biggest difference is that the phone doesn't pay for my health insurance.

Gone Fishing

Sometimes I don't realize how much I needed time off till I get it. I'm visiting my hometown in California. I'm relaxing and catching up with old friends and family. I'm climbing trees and going to the zoo. I'm getting a nice tan.

The novelty of the phone is that I'm reachable (at times) even if I am not updating here. I
appreciate the feedback and calls I am getting, summer always brings the foot-fetishists out, I love calls where I can just talk about my own experiences. Fantasy calls are fun, but keeping the story strait takes a bit of effort. I've had enough dominant experiences that tearing a page out my own book is better than what mosts subs come up with.

Kinky stories from my own life coming soon.

Why I hide

I got a response to a recent Craig's List ad (cryptically written, of course) asking in less than 5 words if I am the author of this blog. I see this as cyberstalking, as someone was clearly trying to match up the two profiles and identify me via email.

I don't want to be cyberstalked. I get a few calls on niteflirt from this blog, but not enough to make that kind of risk even kinda worth it.... unless, I started using this blog to promote my niteflirt listings. If there are risks, or even annoyances associated with writing here, I just won't do it unless there is a clear benefit.


Some subs subs seem to think there two kinds of Dommes, Pro and Real. I don't see myself as a pro, even when I was taking sessions regularly it did not pay my rent. The truth is, it's easier to find someone to session with than it is to find a real-life play partner. For a session, I'll see that annoying sales guy, because when he shows up and pays $300 for playtime, he's going to shut his mouth and enjoy what he's getting rather than running it at me about all the sessions he has done in the past then being dissapointed that someone he met once isn't willing to bring him into her home so he could sit on my floor and pout about the quality time with me feet he didn't earn.

Real girls get tired of giving away more than their thoughts, when people try to take our autonomy - and possibly our safety, we stop blogging. If we are smart, we might start charge, we might even go after your autonomy, cyberstalking is a two way street. I'm a Domme, I teach lessons - I am not stepping out of my role at all by exposing this person . After all, being exposed as a sub is the ultimate fantasy for some subs, if it's not yours - don't try to expose me.

The juicier bits of my blog will be password protected soon. Access may be free to you if you are an interesting blogger and/or a dominant female. Submissive males may earn access through servitude or tribute on niteflirt. Three calls of 5 minutes or more with written feedback will earn you the password, alternatively you may send a payment mail of $25 for one months access.

Don't like it? you can thank this guy directly at nycsub28@aol.com

A plug and a new position

Some site called LifeKink let some idiot do viral marketing in the form of spammed comment posts, I just want to make my readership aware that canned meat interests me very little.

What they want is a plug, but I'm not recommending registering for their spammy site. I'm just giving them a plug.


I was thinking of auditioning a web slave to manage my collarme, there seem to be a few real people but I'm bombarded with angry messages from pervs who just can't over the fact that I'm not out there looking to stick my feet in every hungry mouth. A submissive blogger might be a good fit, as long as he respects that my account is not his fodder. I think it would be an invaluable experience for any sub. The most important quality I seek in a submissive is the ability to self-direct. You should be better than lifekink's submissive spambot.

I have a friend visiting this weekend, I will be on niteflirt more than usual.

Cuck season

Right now is the perfect time for a cuck - I have the time for one. When I am dating I do more fun girly stuff, I wear more dresses. I get my nails done more often. The definition of cuckold gets confusing for people who watch too much porn, in real life it's not all about hotwives and black studs. When I have looked for cucks in the past I get an influx of hotwife seekers who are dissapointed that I have other prospects, they keep looking for that ideal girl who thinks (and looks) exactly like his favorite porn. These are the people who respond every time I post, some have been searching for years. There are allot of subs out there who are just like that girl who is so desperate to get married that she scares the boys away. It's a safe assumption that most single girls want to get married, someday so please, internet submissives - stop mentioning nuptuals in initial emails, it's unbecoming.

My first exposure to the term Cuckold was in reading the Moliere play Sganarelle as a teenager, if you can get through this translation you'll find it full of situational humor at the expense of a husband who imagines his wife to be having an affair after he sees her admiring a necklace that he did not give her. The work of Moliere is proof that cuckolding is historially more mental than physical.

I've written a bit about my past cuck so I know he exists, and while I have high standards I do not expect diamonds. Shrek has not given me any presents, you don't see me complaining about that. He has other things to offer, impeccable manners for example. I'm not expecting every man to know exactly how long to stand when I get up or shower me in gifts but he does need to bring something to the table.

A cuck can be someone older, I already have a primary romantic interest so I don't need to be quite so picky. There is no ring on my finger, I am not ruling out other prospective boyfriends - yet. Given my history of serial monogamy, I am aiming to date other people before making a commitment this time. People travel so much during the summer, I don't want to tie myself to a person who is not even around.

So, what does a cuck do? You tell me. I could rattle off a list of things that would make my summer run smoother, but why should I have to do that? If someone is going to be my cuck, he will need to think for himself. he realizes my bar is set high, and his aim is higher. he requires no supervision and never, ever elicits punishment. This is the biggest mistake subs make! A poor demonstration of servitude demonstrates incompetence, and no one wants an incompetent slave.

Tall & Polite

I've been on a couple dates with someone new, I think this one may be a keeper.

He's polite, and he has an ease about it. Many subs learn a few tricks, they show up with flowers and pull out chairs but they miss the mark on doors and coats. The motions can come off as jerky and foreign, like - for example, when a 6'2" guy stands when you leave the table, then hovers around wondering when he is supposed to sit back down. This didn't happen! But wait, I am ahead of myself. Lets start at the beginning. I noticed him on the online personal site where I have a vaguely dominant ad. After I made the first wink, he made a plan to get drinks. He suggested a charming venue with no prompting, then another one slightly closer to my apartment with minimal direction.

For my part, I made significantly more effort than I have made for previous first dates. I wore a dress, a new dress. I recently did a shopping spree at a national chain for teens with the focus of finding date dresses. The theory is that men are attracted to bright colors and lots of skin, I got a few floral numbers, if men are bees they can see my nectar. I feel like I am going to the prom every time I have a date, but it's fun. The dress means I'm not going to shirk on my hair or makeup, and when you are out with a guy ten inches taller than you good hair counts

First date - I wore a floral chiffon with boots, his first inadvertent admission of submissiveness was enthusiastically proclaiming "nice boots!". We met for a glass of wine at a newer spot in my neighborhood. so he both took me someplace I never went before and made it convenient. When I got up from the table he stood, then leaned on the bar chatting with the sommelier and scrolling through messages on his phone. It was effortless. His second submissive clue was telling me that his mother is "very dominant" very good! We got to the food part and joked about role reversal when he ordered the salad and I had something more substantial. Somewhere in the second glass of wine he grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and announced "I really like you." It was a bold gesture - a week later, I am still impressed.

Oh, but I skipped an important detail - I made a date with the guy who thought about it before he sent me an email on collarme, we had changed days and he had not confirmed the new date. His answers to my vague questions were too general to get any clear idea of who I would be meeting and it turns out he lives in NJ even though his profile says NY - and he doesn't even work in the city. I've had bad luck with jersey subs, so when this new guy asked me to have a drink the same night I accepted and changed unconfirmed collarme date to the following day.

After drinks I allowed him to walk me home, it was a nice night so we sat in my courtyard garden. I do a bit of gardening, and he was quite impressed with my efforts. Sometimes older men give pearls of wisdom, I once showed an older man who had a submissive crush on me my garden and he went on and on about how special it is (it is quite ornate, with fish ponds and a fairy house). This man somehow impressed upon me that any man who truly appreciates me, will appreciate this garden. It was one of those things you file away until someone brings it up. My tall date (we'll call him shrek) was blown away by my garden, he grew up in the city but somehow never spent any time in the hundreds of city gardens maintained by residents.

I was ultra-smiley the next day and cancelled my collarme date, neither cancelling nor smiling are acts I engage in with any frequency. For our second date, I wore a strapless dress with slingback heels. I didn't mind that he was late (hello, have we met?). He commutes out of the city for work and sent a carefully worded text explaining that why would be late. I had time for a quick manicure. At dinner he noticed my hands (perfect, like my feet) and asked my why I don't wear rings. Our legs were intertwined under the table the entire meal. There is a good nervousness with him, like being really excited about going home after a fun but tiresome trip. The only akward moment was in defining expectations, he said things went wrong with an ex after she wanted to move in togather. He was pretty clear about not wanting to move too fast, but conceded that if it felt right he would take that step.

I don't want to be the tick-tock girl, but I tend to get involved with people for two years at a time. I'm in my early 30's now, in another few years I will be in my mid 30's and I don't want to find myself online dating again at 37. I've never been good at keeping a schedule, but I hear other women talk about dating schedules. I'm pretty sure witholding sex is part of the equation too and call me crazy but I like my orgasms. That part is going to be difficult, last night making out got very gropey and I liked it. I guess you are supposed to date other people until you get a commitment, and I don't want to do that. I'm not even checking my online dating accounts.

Oral just isn't the same thing. I like penetration and I don't want to introduce a bunch of toys to a new relationship. Dominance, for me, is more about the minutia of daily life than sexual posturing. My most serious relationships were intended as one-night-stands, and I don't think thats good but here is the crux of it; if I make a guy wait that mean I like him, so the longer I wait the more I like him, as the stakes get higher I get more nervous, I drive myself crazy whilst trying to do the same to him.

The State of the Industry

I'm taking a much-needed mental health day from my day job, I'm on niteflirt for a rare weekday afternoon.

It's been a year since I did a session, it's been years since I have been seeing subs reguarly, many years. A few steadies contact me from time to time and I would see them in a sweet little rental space I first visited for a foot fetish party circa 2002.

The space was home-away-from-home to a collective of indie ProDommes. For a dungeon, it's surprisingly warm. There were cats lolling around, and because everyone handles her own business, there was no competition. Best of all, it's owned and run by woman. I was there almost a year ago to date, May 08 and everyone was buzzing about the fetish raids that have totally changed the NYC fetish industry. I started the job I am at now, and as usual don't have much contact with the fetish scene. I heard about the raids from a girl at the collective space when I did my session, I do remember hearing something about the foot fetish parties getting broken up but that was bound to happen, I saw illegal drug use happening at those parties and they were getting too popular. Non-footfetishists were showing up to check out the girls. Apparently, it's the end of an era in NYC fetish. I just did a web search on "dungeon busts nyc" and found this I had no idea Rapture took a hit, I had never visted but heard it was an awesome woman-owned space.

Someone contacted me about a session, I called -no answer, then emailed the collective for a rental and got an email back saying they "have not done rentals for some time". I'm crushed, I loved going to the collective. The cats, the girls, the soho location that begged a bauble for me after every session. The shady diner that served pancakes all day across the street. That crappy elevator. The pearls or wisdom and unsubtle humor from older Dommes, "The best thing about a sissy, is you KNOW he's going to want a buttfucking eventually". Overheard at the dungeon could be its own blog.

Twards the end of last year I correponded with a D/s lifestyle couple who have a dungeon in their apartment, and live in my neighborhood. The boy end of the couple is always who emails me, and he's quite fourthcoming with the photos, in fact, he send sme photos of their switchy bondage parties with everyones face included and really, really wants to be facebook buddies. I as a rule will not attend any fetish event that does not specifically forbid photography, and I don't add anyone I know from the fetish scene on facebook. I've had about a dozen emails from this guy, where he dumps a dozen hi-rez images into my inbox and then tells me to feel free to ad him on myspace and the ever-familiar "I'd like to see who I am talking to". I had to explain, explicitly that I am seeking to rent space, not to join a social scene and asked that he please not be offended that I don't want to be facebook buddies, I just want to do business. There is an unspoken rule in BDSM that we do not use or distribute our real name, and I get a sinking suspicion that he's angling at that - he keeps sending me invites from his real-name facebook account.

As a result, I'm not even excited about the prospect of a session. I've got this other guy to manage, and he clearly wants something from me. I show up for my sessions with a gym bag, and get ready at my rental space. I'm not at all interested in having some fetishy dude observe my transformation, and another unspoken rule is that you make sure your sub does not have contact with other males - I don't know how to broach this with him. The energy in male-owned dungeons in frenetic, without an alpha female defining the direction of things it gets funny. Bottom line he has added another element to my session, and taken the fun out. Rather than focusing on what to wear, and what I need to prepare for my session I have to worry about managing this person who I am also paying.

Any ladies out there have a spare dungeon to rent?

What a bunch of idiots.

I was thinking about posting my blog on collarme, but that would be asking for more of this...

These are actual emails from collarme, I've removed personal info - other than that, these are exactly as sent.


Hi Thomas here, I listened to you. I am a pro teacher of science, personal trainer. Italian, 6; 200, boxing coach. Hi do you want free sessions in boxing? Also, a trained masseus and a codependent who loves to see others happy, which makes me happy. 5 years in the scene without a Domme though. Can u be the one. I think I am worth it. I can add emotional, social, mental and physical attributes to the relationship. IM is *****@yahoo.com


Right, what every Domme wants, a massage from an codependent guido IM buddy with too much testosterone.


I am over fourty so I am not the right guy for you, I guess, but you are over thirty so you are not the right gal for me. Although I am submissive I dont usually bend over for anybody, so you will tell me what kind of submissive i am, well I am sub with an attitude, this will be a challenge for you...we will not meet most possibly, perhaps you will block me, but I will overcome. Your pic is sexy though. Cheers


I don't even know where to start with this, except to say that although I had subs in my 20's - it wasn't a lifestyle, it was something I tried out. Men who seek out women more than 10 years younger than themselves are damaged, there might be a few who want kids - these are the widows and divorcees. 99.99% prefer the company of someone who will let him drive, it takes a girl in her 20's a bit of to realize a guy is an asshole (and that little bit of time is probably what this pud calls a relationship)
Lucky for me, by the 30's they just come right out and tell you.

I think it's time to delete my collarme profile, I'll have dinner with the one who thought about it before he mailed Thursday but I don't have high expectations. Recent conversations with the Dr. (also from collame) have let me to believe that while he has a invested interest in D/s he is not ready to serve. He's into like people are into scuba diving, for weekends and holidays.

Breaking in a sub who has his own idea of the definition of "submissive" is far more complicated then just teaching a guy to serve with the simple technique of rewarding him with for good behavior, for most guys - simple letting them know you are happy is reward enough. Just a smile should suffice.

To me, servitude starts with the mundane - opening doors, being mindful of my time, and privacy, knowing how I like my coffee and being happy to serve it to me. It's not a barganing tool, if you are buying me dinner in the hopes of cleaning my apartment - thats not going to work.

More on middle aged men

Well, one middle aged man must be reading me on some level, I got my first bonus at work this week.

I finally got a decent, legible email from collarme - the guy is 40 (curious that he is at exactly the age I have noted my age cut-off to be) and his email follows.

Good morning Princess,

I came across your profile yesterday and almost sent you a quick three or four line ill thought out response. Then I took the time to read and digest your words and instead of a hastily generic note I wrote a more thought out one, which I hope will detail why I think we may be compatible. Thank you already for the tip on how to get to know you and what you are seeking in an introductory response. I wrote most of this yesterday and came back this morning after a good night’s sleep to reread it and put the finishing touches one it. I have put the same level of effort into this as I would any presentation I would make before a client. Perhaps more so since the words are heartfelt.

Like you I also do not seek a casual partner. A wonderful Domme introduced me this way of living five years ago. I met her after a break-up with her very long term sub bf. We dated for a year but she eventually got back with and married her ex. She taught me that I am happiest and most content when serving in a female led relationship. Since then I have ached to find that peace and connection. There are no disputes and things are simply more harmonious when two people share a single mind and goal. The happiness of the Domme in the relationship. I am telling you this not because I want to share information about my past relationships to you, but to set myself above others who may contact you for whom this is only play and fantasy. I have lived this way and KNOW it works for me and I was put on this earth to adore the woman in my life.

I am intelligent, fit and totally single with no children. I make a six figure salary, so we would have our choice of shoe stores to browse through! I enjoy a good life with ample travel and leisure and would love to share that. I have an MBA and work in the telecom industry. I am certainly alpha by day yet prefer to be the junior partner in my personal life.

I also would have no fears in speaking with you, should things eventually develop to that point and then planning a date with and getting together. I know this is getting way ahead of things, but you did mention the trepidation of others on here. Again and think that is because they are not true in their desires and experience.

I hope my email hits the mark and you are intrigued enough to write back and we can begin a dialog. I look forward to hearing from you and again thank you very much for all the help in your profile on how to and how not to approach you.



John

Very good, investing the same thought an energy you would put into a work project - what a novel idea. He made it to the next step, where he was instructed to "pitch a date". He suggested dinner at Pastis, a french bistro he has been "wanting to try". Picking a venue is something that only a self-identified submissive male needs direction with, I would think the obvious choice would be a standard with ample seating, flattering light and a bit of character - so why do my dates always pick something trendy? I suppose they are trying to impress me with how much they know about the downtown dining scene. They always pick something known to be "funky" or "hip", it's usually been open 5-10 years by the time they hear about it and my mind goes to the younger men who took me to Freemans right after it opened or Pastis for breakfast in 1999, when Mary Boone was a regular. The management of Pastis has several establishments that are newer, younger and closer to my area. I can only assume he's using a Zagat from 2000

For first dates, I always stick with what I know, it's a delicate balance - you don't want to go where everyone is going to know you, but I think it's a good idea to be familiar with the venue - you can tell allot about a person from where they eat. I know, it probably sounds like I have unrealistic standards - but my expectations are based on experience. If someone is not my equal culturally, it creates a familiar scenario where I'm the downtown insider who has already been to all these places, and my date is a tourist. I've been on this date before, and playing tourguide is not my idea of a good time. I already have the problem of submissive men who spend far more time reading fantasy stories about D/s than living it being tourists in my life - I know, it sounds nit-picky but it truly is exhausting, first dates are hard enough - being dominant doesn't mean that things that are difficult for everyone else are easy for me. Being cast as the dominant already means that I'll be leading conversation, subs always have a list of questions that are totally inappropriate and even if they don't verbalize them, I can tell that they are mulling over their deepest desires or staring at my feet when they should be signaling the waiter. It doesn't make it any easier when the person I am on a date with planned precariously, placing himself in an unfamiliar and distracting environment.

So what do I do with this guy? I know nothing about him, why is it up to me to play 20 questions? Prompting him too much with only set up a situation where I'll always need to provide directions. I don't know of a dominant woman who gets off by having simple tasks complicated, it's not sexy. We women have to jump through hoops in 3 inch heels and make it look effortless, clearly this guy trying but who is he? From his picture he looks like someone older than 40 - and if he's been dying to try this bistro that was trendy 10 years ago, what could we possibly have in common? If I had a time machine, I'd beam back to the 90's and have a cosmo with him when he was a little closer to my own age. I suppose I'll just write him a quick note, suggest a French bistro in my neighborhood from this century and leave it at that.


Hmm, funny French bistro story - on one of my "Vanilla" dates we were at a bistro and the waitress handed me the wine list (they always know!) my date muttered a little "huh" under his breath but conceded.

I alway know what I want.

Am I a frustrated middle-aged man?

I'm frustrated about more than my relationships, dating is inherantly frustrating but all things consitered, it's going very smoothly, I am using a site that does a fair amount of screening and the people on the site are committed to searching for a primary relationship and It's made a huge difference.

I'm frustrated about my job, I have been there a year with no raise in sight. I'm not being challenged, my skills are not being exploited and I am not working in an industry that interests me. At All. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. My day job not at all creative. I'm coming from a creative background and took it because I had been searching for months. I send out resumes, I'm not getting anything back, even from agencies.

It's rare that I think much about the submissive experience. I respect boundaries but have been exposed to submissive men long enough that (for the most part) I have stopped wondering what it's like.

Most of the self-identified subs I have encountered are middle aged, married men. Many seem to have resigned themselves to their positions unhappily, stuck in jobs or marriages that do no not make them happy under circumstances that discourage change. I feel, quite suddenly like a middle-aged man who is curious about getting spanked. I don't feel submissive, I don't want to serve or have someone above me but I am sad, and I can't seem to get sad enough to be done with it. I'm too optimistic to stay sad, it has to get better - so I'm up and down,and thats almost worse. For the first time in my life I see the draw of having someone put you over the knee and let it fly till you are crying about absolutely everything.

I'm not going to go do it, but I'm curious if anyone reading has had the desire to loose control sexually triggered by a sense of frustration or sadness from outside events.

It was supposed to be so easy...

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Doing all the thinking

So much has happened this week. The phone has been lighting up with legwear inspired calls. I finally met the Dr. and I wore stockings.

I made a strategy decision, I've been dating both "vanilla" men and overgrown toddlers who identify as submissive. Toddlers are annoying, messy and generally a lot of work, can you guess what my new strategy is?

I don't see a Female Led relationship as one where the woman makes every decision, that would mean she does all the thinking. I'm finding that men who identify as submissive are expectedly ill-socialized, and thats OK but read they could a book on how to date or something, The dozen emails back and fourth to tie down a first meeting are so irritating that often the meeting never happens. it's a general lack of manners, a lack of respect for my time and efforts. Regular 'ol vanilla guys do whatever it takes to pave that road to the bedroom nice and smooth.

The Dr. is really great, I just wish there was an alpha bone in his body. It's clear that if there is to be a next meeting, I'll be doing all the arranging, and I did all of that for our first date.

Halleluja!

Thanks google, now I can use craiglist again. Google Auto-Reply is the answer to my prayers.

How great is this? I get an email that mentions domestic servitude, New Jersey, and an age over 40. Google divines from previous correspondence that I would reply as such;


dear jerseydad1959:


you applied to be my cuck, not my housekeeper. you won't be doing my laundry, my laundry gets sent out and is delivered perfectly folded by bonded professionals, not by a stranger who is old enough to be my father

you are not an ideal slave for me, you are not even local. you are consumed by your fantasies and cannot shut up about them. why on earth would I want that?

-Princess


April Fools, auto reply is a joke courtesy of google.

Post DABA Glow

I really didn't like the DABA girls blog at first, I saw some of their press and figured they were just a couple of Murray Hill bitches. The more I read it, the more I see it - I'm a recovering banker-dater.

I'm somewhat recently out of a relationship with someone in finance, we called it quits late last year. I don't write about him much because this is what I'm doing to keep my mind off him. This, and dating every other single submissive guy in NYC.

Our first big fight was after Behr Sterns closed, by the time the shit hit the fan at Morgan, we were fighting over stupid stuff. I watched this tall man with the bespoke suits and cufflinks start slouching. he wasn't getting his hair cut quite as often. All of this trickled down into the bedroom.

Long story short, I have not had any in months. What I did have with him twards the end was not very good. I've had orgasms, I've had oral sex. I'm had kinky fun time, but I knew I had an itch to scratch and I had a feeling it was going to be intense. The sex was good, he's a very sexual troll. So good that as I was building up to orgasm, my chest lit up like a Gloworm. For serious. Bright, like when your legs go all blotchy from running for the first time in ages, but it was all over my chest and creeping up my neck. It was honestly a little scary. I looked it up, it's called a Sex Flush and I have seen it before, but never nearly as bright. I'm glad I got this out of the way with a troll, not someone I have invested interest in. It was a little akward.

Don't ask me.

The majority of comments here go unpublished. I did not start this blog to collect other peoples opinions. This is about me, more specifically - it's about my sex life. It's not about your sex life, that interests me very little.

If you think D/s relationships are "dysfunctional" then you must not be functioning very well in your own relationships, because you are spending your time reading about D/s. If you don't like what you are reading, you always have the option of simply closing the window. Just don't expect me to air your disapproval.

I get allot of what are probably genuine questions about the NYC "fetish scene". These generally go unanswered and unpublished. I am not your guide to NYC's sexy underbelly. Before you ask me a general question try typing "NYC foot fetish" or "cuckold" into google. You'll find that I am far from alone in my interests. If you are truly interested in getting your fetish query answered by me, you'll call me.

As for my personal relationships, if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything. I'm sure it's frustrating being a guy who is stuck on a particular fetish, knowing that you will never, ever be with a girl like me because you cannot embrace the full spectrum of D/s. I might feel like cuckolding one day, and bondage the next. I might just want to go shopping. For someone stuck on a particular act, I can see how this is confusing. Take it as an opportunity to learn. Maybe you'll be good enough for me one day, probably not, but chasing rainbows is better than being a stick in the mud.

I like sex.

I'm not sure how some of you ladies you it, er.... don't do it. I just love a good 'ol humpin.

Being a cuckstress I often want it with not my primary, but guess what - springs sprung and I don't have one. What I do have is a telephone/email romance with a Dr. in California (who I will meet in about 10 days) and a troll. So, I am going to have sex with the troll but I don't want to get all weird about it. We have a date Tomorrow.

I have'nt had sex with anyone other than my ex-boyfriend in almost 2 years. Wow, I just realized I am totally why guys get frustrated with online dating. Despite not putting out I've been on oh, a dozen dates this year. Granted, I have done so much making out that I am lucky not to have oral herpes, and I've messed around a bit. I've not met anyone sex-worthy, they are all flakey and Jerseyish.

The troll has gone down on me for hours and taken quite a bit of abuse. He makes me feel so giddy, I could not fall asleep at his place and left in the middle of the night. That little trick always drives the boys crazy, usually I just can't sleep - or maybe it's a weeknight. This time my boss will be out the next day... so I can sneak in late.

Even though it's been awhile, I wish he was bigger.

This is the story of the Boys from Craiglist,

This song always reminds me of my CL encounters with boys who identify as submissive;


This is the story of your red right ankle
And how it came to meet your leg
And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled

And how the skin was softly shed
And how it whispered, "Oh, adhere to me
For we are bound by symmetry
And whatever differences our lives have been
We together make a limb"
This is the story of your red right ankle

This is the story of your gypsy uncle
You never knew because he was dead
And how his face was carved and ripped with wrinkles
In the picture in your head
And remember how you found the key
To his hideout in the Pyrenees
But you wanted to keep his secret safe
So you threw the key away
This is the story of your gypsy uncle

This is the story of the boys who loved you
Who love you now and loved you then
And some were sweet and some were cold and snubbed you
And some just laid around in bed
And some, they crumbled you straight to your knees
Did it cruel, did it tenderly
Some, they crawled their way into your heart
To rend your ventricles apart
This is the story of the boys who loved you

This is the story of your red right ankle

The boy who turned me onto this band (The Decemberists) has a consuming foot fetish. We ate pancakes at Clinton street Bakery, playing hooky on a weekday. He complimented me on my silk Pucci scarve with a "wow". Then, he told me the saddest story about Ferragamo loafers I ever heard; his daddy died in Ferragamo loafers - it was cold and he never wore socks. He was just a kid.

Dr. Baggage & Taxidermy footwear

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Marie Claire Article on Alpha Women

Interesting

This is not me, but it is some women I know.

Dominant Females in Mainstream Media

My favorite dominant women in Mainstream Media

1) Madonna
2) Martha Stewart
3) Parker Posey in Dazed and Confused
4) Parker Posey in Basqiat
5) Dolly Parton
6) Veruca Salt
7) Mary Poppins
8) Anna Wintour
9) January Jones from MadMen
10) Lucy from Peanuts

Who are yours?

Ugly Subs

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Requiem for OTP

My favorite shoe store is closing. Otto Tootsie Plohound (herein after referred to as OTP) is closing the doors on the flagship 5th ave store, the west village and soho store closed last year. I made out like a bandit, but my success was bittersweet.

Friday was payday, I took a walk down 5th after work thinking maybe a lipstick from Sephora, but I saw these

I Love Love Love them, if I had a fetish - it would be anything ballet, or ballet inspired. Some of my ballet teachers were elegant, controlling French women with tight buns (in their hair) and long limbs. One carried a stick, and she's smack you if you needed to turn out or tuck it, it hurt and she would say "Good,I want it to hurt and I hope you can feel it tomorrow"

OTP was the stuff dreams are made of, girl dreams. Flip-Flip-booties, insane, artful heels. Years a little subbie who followed a friend and I shopping, we hit the annual buy 1 get one sale at OTP and she made the ultimate score, red cowboy boots. I got two pairs of boots, pink and purple - both from FreeLance. Ah, French shoes. My lucky little friend got to carry them all, and they had some issue with bags and apologetically tied the boxes with string. The effect was charming, like something out of a Grace Kelly Movie, except my friend and I were singing;

You down With OTP?
Yeah you know me!
Whos down with OTP?

The Mondays of March

I'm sure I'm not the only one struggling to pull herself out of bed today, it's been a long winter and we are all a bit irritable. We are all spending a bit too much time on the internet (myself included). I'm not saying that my shitty date on Saturday had anything to do with me, in retrospect that person should not be dating. I should have screened more carefully, maybe I should have just seen him in a session - this person clearly has more experience on the pro end of things.

He's a business traveler, he seems to be gone 1/3 of the time or more. He has no time for a relationship, and has no business responding to a personal ad from someone seeking a long term relationship. He should just pay someone until he adjusts his priorities and makes it so he has something to offer.

Of course, guys catch all kinds of bad habits from pros. They expect that all dominant women always dress like we are getting paid hundreds of dollars to have playtime with a business traveler. Had I just had a session with him he would have made damn sure he was on time and didn't need a cab, I would have needed one because I would have been wearing my hot new heels. He would have bought me earrings, and I wouldn't even have to put up with his oogling while I made my selection. And best of all, we both would have had playtime.

How to loose a Dominant in one date

I went on my last craigslist date today, this guy came in from NJ to meet. He wanted to be my cuckold and acted all sincere and eager about it. Subs who are too eager are never very good.

He took me to a nice brunch, it took about a dozen emails before he managed the reservation. As I have mentioned before, I not not consiter a shared meal a tribute. He was there and benefited, he had a steak and oogled me. It was fun for him. Simply having brunch with a dominant woman is not servitude.

he suggested shopping as a after-brunch activity. I was looking at earrings. Stuff from $24-$40, for a specific date He was asking all the right questions, pointing out styles with a long hang that show off my neck, but did he offer to pickup the tab? No, and he even acted exasperated that I was actually going to buy earring when the economy is tanking. Then what did he do? He took a cab back to Penn station.

I'm not looking for a financial slave, I don't want to dominate someone in that way, I want someone who chooses to do what will please me most. Someone who makes sacrifices in his own life yo please me. I understand that we all have to cut back right now, and I have. I brown bag my lunch and shop at Gap. It's all about choices - those earrings cost a wee bit more than round trip cab fare and someone could have easily taken the subway.

This person cannot fulfill the primary duties outlined in my ad because he does not live in Manhattan. he applied to be a cuckold. To prepare me for dates. he'll never be a date because he's not attractive, or particularly interesting - and he knows this. I'm not sure what he's good for, certainly not the position he applied for. Shopping was one of the things he suggested doing for me as a cuckold. Of course, if the task was laundry - he would have been happy to oblige. This is NYC, I send my laundry out and the cost is shockingly close to what I would spend either doing it myself or letting some idiot mess around with my stuff in a laundrymat. Seriously, I'd overpay for soap and spend $10 on machines, or for $13 have it done right and deliviered by people who wash clothes for a living. So, we have someone who is willing to waste my time messing around for whats fun for him (my dirty socks) but cannot put his own desires aside and serve me without serving his own fetish.

It's not about earrings, it's about tribute. He could have paid for the frozen yogurt I stopped for, he clearly didn't want to be in a girly yogurt place, but it was an opportunity for him to show willingness to serve, for a mere $5 he could have tributed me with fancy yogurt. A normal, horny alpha male wishing to earn the affection of the average urban girl would have kept my ears happy, paid for my pinkberry and not tried to make it all about dirty socks. A smart horny guy might even pretend to like pinkberry.

I stopped doing ProDomme sessions because the booking process was exhausting. Screening, managing expectations, dealing with dorks who want nothing more than to waste my time as taking more time than the session. I think this actually took longer to plan, I should have known when he required guidance in making a brunch reservation that this would be a useless date.

Fab post by Kate on How to Respond to a Personal Ad

The only thing I would ad is this, boys need to remember that they are the NOT the ones who need to be careful. Lets not forget who commits 99.9999% of violent crimes- males do. Boys need to keep in mind that they are the health risk, the pervert,the potential stalker. An average dudes worst internet dating scenario is meeting someone unattractive, then maybe that person calls or emails. Not much of a risk. I'm so tired of the trepidation, don't date on the internet if you can't take the risk of not knowing exactly who you might be meeting.

What I want

My current ad on Craig's List

Title - Dominant Dater seeks Submissive Cuck - 29


Lets start with a disclaimer, this is not for everyone. If this is something you are interested in, please put a bit of time and effort into your response - if it's not your thing, or is something you are only curious about please do not waste my time and yours.

This is not something I am looking to try out once, I am seeking something ongoing. This is my second time posting, I posted about a month ago and some responses seemed promising, one even had all his hair but scheduling became an issue. Be clear in your response about your availability; you should have an evening or two a week to dedicate to ME. you should be single, something could develop. you should read the entire ad, maybe more than once, before you answer. DO NOT, tell me about your fetish - this is not about you, it's about what you can do for ME. DO NOT ask for more info about me until you have provided some about yourself.

This is NOT an invitation into my bedroom. Fantasies are just that, and my life is not your fantasy. If you want to fit into my life, you need to conform to my reality.

My reality is this, I am an active dater. I've been with submissive men, in California I lived with one for years, but I have found NYC subs to be too pathetic and demanding (not a good combo btw) to deal with on a serious level. I mostly date men of the tall dark and dominant variety, but I do miss my short, pathetic sub guys.

WHAT I AM SEEKING

It's simple, really. get me ready for my dates. Draw baths, pick up dry cleaning. Arrange my hair and nail appointments, make sure I have clean and sexy lingerie and stockings, and if your really lucky, I'll let you keep dirty pair. Ideally, you can do this in your home - I am NOT seeking a "domestic slave" or "houseboy" - if you ask to serve in my home, you'll be marked as spam and all future emails will go to the spam folder where they will stay, unread.

To be perfectly clear - this is NOT about you indulgently sniffing my shoes. It's about ME, and what you can do to make MY dates and My life run more smoothly. The best fit would be a cuck with his own place in Manhattan, as I am a Manhattanite. If you not single or Manhattan based, think very carefully about what you can offer in this relationship before writing me. Speaking of fit, I am - very, but before you even ask for my picture, you will provide yours.

Proof of willingness to serve required, one line emails will be deleted, unread (thanks to the magic of gmail) and emails with pictures attached will be read before those with nothing attached.

This is NOT a cash arrangement I am not a "pro" looking for "roses". No, I have a totally different profession, but that does not make my stockings free to any curious, would-be stocking-sniffer. If you expect a response, be clear about whay you can do for ME.

Show ME how good you can be to ME if you want ME to take pity on your pathetic submissive self.


Has it been successful? No.

The best to come of it was a note from Kate Webb. In retrospect, I should have never mentioned stockings or baths, as there is no shortage of stocking sniffers who want to hang out in my bathroom. The sub who brought flowers was from this ad, he subsequently broke dates and won't be getting more. I get lots of email from married men who offer me nothing. Threating to mark the houseboys as spam did curb the usual influx of men who offer only that, I get the impression that boys only read what is interesting to them and ignore the rest of the ad.

The Pro's of craiglist is that it's easy, I can post or browse for work. The Con, everything there is used, much of it in bad condition. Because there is no commitment theres is a ton of bullshit.

Shoes of the week

The Lanvin ankle straps are classic, and the YSL "Cage Bootie" well - I'm sure not everyone likes them but...

It's not about you, is it?

Nostalgic for my dungeon days

I have been reading Peridot Ash's blog with fervor. She is an SFBay girl who has worked strait jobs, worked as an escort, and as a ProDomme. I love her writing! The way she is offhanded about sexuality reminds me of back when Diabo Cody was a stripper/blogger (minus the corny worplay). She comes through with just a touch of vunerablity and seems to be able to distance herself from her work and talk about it from a unique perspective.

I love posts like this one, where she likens the unwanted attention of an older man to escort work -


Older guys in bars who engage me in “conversation” always give me the feeling that I’m expected to play the role of an attentive female full of girlish curiousity, wonderment and assent. They are almost never interested in anything I might have to say if it’s not a question that doesn’t pertain to themselves or some little bit of wisdom or knowledge that only they possess and through generous masculine benevolence are willing to share with such a “sweet girl.” The older, more experienced, and more knowledgeable I become myself, the more patronized I feel by these “conversations” with men in bars. Feigning interest and pretending to be stupid so somebody else can feel smart empties out a lot of emotional energy and self esteem. In a sense, it’s work I don’t get paid for.

I thought about this post on my commute today, I've spent much time in the Bay Area and have known many different types of sex industry workers. People have different comfort levels, some people would rather be to topless than let a stranger touch her feet. Dancers I have known say the stage feels safe to them, it's not for me - but it's not for me to judge either.

What I was turning over and over in my head was this, it seems like the biggest difference between her "johns" and "subs" is that johns want her to pretend they are actually interesting.

Reading about some of her sessions made me nostalgic for my fetish work days. For me it was a natural progression out of the foot fetish scene and into something less defined. I never did any hardcore session, no serious pain, no strap-on play. Some day, I'll write about some of my sessions. I was very selective and always had another job, I took only sessions I wanted to take and handled everything myself, as as resulted I never had any unpleasant surprises.

I can tell you this much, it was far easier to find a man to tribute me in a session than it is to find a man to tribute in a traditional setting. Sessions are playtime, and it gave me the opportunity to play with people I would not normally make time for, along with most of the people reading this the vast majority of my sessions were with married or or attached men. Trying to find a a lifestyle match is far more difficult, I am looking for something lasting, but I am still shocked at the general lack of manners in these men, I'm overwhelmed by offers for coffee and houseboy offers.

Coffee is cheap, and I can make it at home. There is no reason for me to venture out in public to meet a stranger for coffee. I understand the desire to confirm that we are "both who we say we are" but there is no need to be cheap about it. Spend an extra few bucks at a bar.

As for houseboys, this is all I am going to say. Domestic servitude is a high honor, not one reserved for strange men I meet on the internet. Housekeepers are bonded and good at what they do, despite the fact that they make very little. So, houseboys are asking to be held in a position of high honor while bringing little value to the relationshop, therefore the answer is always "no".

I'm inspired for a new post, I'll post my ad here then work on an answer guide, something I can spam back at those who send me a copy/pasted fetish resume.

10 things about me

Inspired by a popular facebook note, where users post 25 things that other people don't know about them. When you post, it's your chance to "tag" other users, I'm bending the rules here and only posting ten things, and I am tagging Kate and Irina


1) I have never seen the inside of a gym

2) I can still fit into my high school cheerleading uniform, my first modeling job (in my mid-20's) was Jr's clothing.

3) I'm a Charlotte, although I have worked $300 shoes with $10 dresses I am not a Carrie. My closet overfloweth, and I do write this from my mac laptop, in the big apple but at my core - I am a suburban girl. I don't sleep around, I don't carry condoms in my purse, I believe in true love, traditional values, family life and the locked C's of Chanel.

4) I'm a big fan of pajamas, robes, slippers and such. NYC is a walking city, and often what I wear in my daily life is not terribly comfortable. As soon as I get home, I take that shit off. I do not, however wear my pajamas outside, ever.

5) I shop at the gap, I'm a lover of fashion - and I tend to like bold pieces, so this is a shocker to some but, my basics are often very basic. Comfy too.

6) I can cook, I'm actually quite domestic. I can sew too. Martha Stewart is a Dominant Diva (see 7)

7) The women who have inspired my dominant nature have been, for the most part - mothers of people I knew growing up, including my own.

5) I am not a force to be fucked with

9) I'm double jointed almost everywhere, I can get into some crazy yoga positions, but - because I have been lazy about my yoga practice this year (I have gone to class exactly once) I cannot, at present, touch my perfect toes (without being my knees)

10) I am from a large family, maybe that has something to do with my dominant nature, too much sharing growing up.

Tribute

Was out of town this weekend, but had a lovely first drink with a potential on Thurs. He's not too troll-ey, has hair and brought flowers - white roses, a wee Jersey for my horticultural preferences, but he gets points for the tribute.

Tribute.

Noun

S: (n) tribute, testimonial (something given or done as an expression of esteem)

There are, of course many forms of tribute. payment for calls is a tribute. It shows you have invested interest into the exchange. It does not pay my rent, this is not how I make a living. It is how I prefer fer potential subs to contact me. It's how I met the funny little troll who makes my tummy flip.

Tribute sets the mood - the sub has, thought about what he is going to say to me and has thus prepared himself to speak with me. Tribute could be anything from holding bags to purchasing a expensive purse for a Domme, but - it doesn't have to be expensive. A tribute is a gift, as always it is the thought that counts. It does have to be something thats of no direct benefit to the giver, a dinner or a trip togather is not a tribute. A sub paying for a dinner with me and another man is.

But, back to flowers. I'm looking forward to spring, and lilacs and the funny old french man who sells single stems at the farmers market. A single, well selected bloom is far more special then a store-wrapped bouquet, but who really takes the time to choose?

Every flower has a meaning, looked up the meaning of white roses on this site...


Rose, White: Charm, Secrecy, Silence, You're Heavenly, Reverence, Humility, Youthfulness and Innocence

All good things.

Happy V day from Princess Caitlin and Jimmy Choo

Spring 2009 booties from Jimmy Choo. I love a non-traditional boot, these would be great with a hot black jersey dress...


also loving these

and these

Whats this Call Now thing all about.

Thats a link to my NiteFlirt account, it's a 800 relay service. Yes, it's a legit site. No, I am not going to go all punch drunk love on you.

When We Were Young

My first memory of dominating a boy is throwing little scottie into the girls bathroom. I had decided his schoolyard cred was due to his tall blond, athletic and dominant brother, Ross. Some friends and I got together and pushed little scottie into the girls room, he fell on the floor. We were laughing and I blocked the door. Some of the girls thought we would get in trouble, so we released him - just as Ross was walking by. Ross said "what are you doing??" all little scott scott could say was "I don't know".

Sustainable Kink

Been mulling this over for a few days....

Most of my D/s relationships have been on the casual end of the spectrum, that may be largely due to the fact that I have kept this part of my life as my little secret, something that can be locked in a box and pushed under the bed when I'm not using it. Part of this is also how I meet my subs, craigslist is not a high commitment website. Most of the guys I meet want to keep that experience in a box, they contact me when they want to scratch that itch. Because I'm not dating my subs, I can use a man who is too old or unappealing for boyfriend purposes.

Submissive men have no mystery, no challenge. Years ago I had a submissive boyfriend, but I was honestly too young and inexperienced to know what that really meant. In more recent years sub males have been my playthings, my punching bags, my muses, my secret cheering section.

Now that I have met a charming young sub that makes my tummy flutter, I am wondering - do we have the foundation for sustainable relationship? We did meet on a kink site, but we did not meet up for "play time". We met for lunch. He's not someone who call himself a sub, but I don't call myself a Domme in my daily life. Everything seems to match up, or is this something we'll want to box up in a few months?

Crushing Revelations

So, there is one submissive guy I am - I guess the term is experimenting with.

He's someone who has followed me on another site (another story for another day). He's a NYer, we have done lunch, drinks and Saturday was our first evening date.

It's good to be adored, this person has adored me from afar for months. I guess I am struggling with concerns about things changing as I become a real person to him. It's the first time I have had the butterflies in years.

The Rules

Kate Webb has an interesting blog, I am looking forward to reading more from her. Like me, Kate is a "vanilla" girl by day, and her partner is just a normal guy (not a floorlicker or a sissymaid). I've been chatting with Kate, talking bout what makes a good slave and the irony in the fact that most men who identify as submissive lack basic manners.

Kate makes a great analogy here to regular old dating,"We have something men want. This gives us incredible power over them. Any woman who has been on a first date understands this. The men bend over backwards to please us...open our doors, bring us gifts, listen to our conversations, buy the expensive wine, and whip out their amex cards and pay for everything."

Thats how a normal, Alpha male behaves on a first date. The average internet submissive wants to come on over and sit at your feet, if he's feeling especially formal - maybe coffee. How ironic that the pigs of our society are more adept at Goddess Worshipers than those obsessed with the idea of it. Oh, the irony...

Years ago, a book called The Rules was popular. It preached the stuff your Mom and Grandma always told you to do, or more specifically - not to do. It's in-depth instructions on how not to put out. Ever.

Real, lifestyle Dommes are Rules Girls.

Greeting and Degregations

Hello boys and Girls. I'm Princess Caitlin, the cruel hipster next door (if you happen to live in lower Manhattan). It's February and I am feeling very cold, I've been seeking my idea sub/cuck - with little success. I'm probably looking in the wrong place (craigslist) but thats mostly because it's convenient and can post/search from work without raising any red flags.

Years ago (2004) I did a brief stint as a ProDomme, I was in school and a friend brought me along to one of the now-defunct FootWorshipParties. Initially, the FootWorship scene was fun and fresh, the guys were happy that someone could address their fetish and were willing to do anything for a chance to be at My feet. Very quickly, over a matter of months, the parties because over-crowded, many slaves stopped acting the part, and I left the parties for good. Subsequently I have seen a surge of FootFetish imagery in advertising, and in mainstream porn. This has not been good for the little men who love feet, they see two airbrushed co-eds sucking each others feet on the pages of maxim and think that kind of shit really happens. News flash - it only happens in porn.

The mainstreaming of foot fetish has lead me to broaden my horizons, for me, D/s is about one person being forced out of his comfort zone - to please or amuse the other. Foot worship is not degrading enough, it's too much fun for the submissive. What really boggles me about foot fetishists is how little they know about feet in general - the spine is mapped in the arch of the foot, someone who really knows what he is doing could relax your whole body with a quality foot rub, sadly - most simply do not know what they are doing.