Thursday, April 30, 2009

More on middle aged men

Well, one middle aged man must be reading me on some level, I got my first bonus at work this week.

I finally got a decent, legible email from collarme - the guy is 40 (curious that he is at exactly the age I have noted my age cut-off to be) and his email follows.

Good morning Princess,

I came across your profile yesterday and almost sent you a quick three or four line ill thought out response. Then I took the time to read and digest your words and instead of a hastily generic note I wrote a more thought out one, which I hope will detail why I think we may be compatible. Thank you already for the tip on how to get to know you and what you are seeking in an introductory response. I wrote most of this yesterday and came back this morning after a good night’s sleep to reread it and put the finishing touches one it. I have put the same level of effort into this as I would any presentation I would make before a client. Perhaps more so since the words are heartfelt.

Like you I also do not seek a casual partner. A wonderful Domme introduced me this way of living five years ago. I met her after a break-up with her very long term sub bf. We dated for a year but she eventually got back with and married her ex. She taught me that I am happiest and most content when serving in a female led relationship. Since then I have ached to find that peace and connection. There are no disputes and things are simply more harmonious when two people share a single mind and goal. The happiness of the Domme in the relationship. I am telling you this not because I want to share information about my past relationships to you, but to set myself above others who may contact you for whom this is only play and fantasy. I have lived this way and KNOW it works for me and I was put on this earth to adore the woman in my life.

I am intelligent, fit and totally single with no children. I make a six figure salary, so we would have our choice of shoe stores to browse through! I enjoy a good life with ample travel and leisure and would love to share that. I have an MBA and work in the telecom industry. I am certainly alpha by day yet prefer to be the junior partner in my personal life.

I also would have no fears in speaking with you, should things eventually develop to that point and then planning a date with and getting together. I know this is getting way ahead of things, but you did mention the trepidation of others on here. Again and think that is because they are not true in their desires and experience.

I hope my email hits the mark and you are intrigued enough to write back and we can begin a dialog. I look forward to hearing from you and again thank you very much for all the help in your profile on how to and how not to approach you.


Very good, investing the same thought an energy you would put into a work project - what a novel idea. He made it to the next step, where he was instructed to "pitch a date". He suggested dinner at Pastis, a french bistro he has been "wanting to try". Picking a venue is something that only a self-identified submissive male needs direction with, I would think the obvious choice would be a standard with ample seating, flattering light and a bit of character - so why do my dates always pick something trendy? I suppose they are trying to impress me with how much they know about the downtown dining scene. They always pick something known to be "funky" or "hip", it's usually been open 5-10 years by the time they hear about it and my mind goes to the younger men who took me to Freemans right after it opened or Pastis for breakfast in 1999, when Mary Boone was a regular. The management of Pastis has several establishments that are newer, younger and closer to my area. I can only assume he's using a Zagat from 2000

For first dates, I always stick with what I know, it's a delicate balance - you don't want to go where everyone is going to know you, but I think it's a good idea to be familiar with the venue - you can tell allot about a person from where they eat. I know, it probably sounds like I have unrealistic standards - but my expectations are based on experience. If someone is not my equal culturally, it creates a familiar scenario where I'm the downtown insider who has already been to all these places, and my date is a tourist. I've been on this date before, and playing tourguide is not my idea of a good time. I already have the problem of submissive men who spend far more time reading fantasy stories about D/s than living it being tourists in my life - I know, it sounds nit-picky but it truly is exhausting, first dates are hard enough - being dominant doesn't mean that things that are difficult for everyone else are easy for me. Being cast as the dominant already means that I'll be leading conversation, subs always have a list of questions that are totally inappropriate and even if they don't verbalize them, I can tell that they are mulling over their deepest desires or staring at my feet when they should be signaling the waiter. It doesn't make it any easier when the person I am on a date with planned precariously, placing himself in an unfamiliar and distracting environment.

So what do I do with this guy? I know nothing about him, why is it up to me to play 20 questions? Prompting him too much with only set up a situation where I'll always need to provide directions. I don't know of a dominant woman who gets off by having simple tasks complicated, it's not sexy. We women have to jump through hoops in 3 inch heels and make it look effortless, clearly this guy trying but who is he? From his picture he looks like someone older than 40 - and if he's been dying to try this bistro that was trendy 10 years ago, what could we possibly have in common? If I had a time machine, I'd beam back to the 90's and have a cosmo with him when he was a little closer to my own age. I suppose I'll just write him a quick note, suggest a French bistro in my neighborhood from this century and leave it at that.

Hmm, funny French bistro story - on one of my "Vanilla" dates we were at a bistro and the waitress handed me the wine list (they always know!) my date muttered a little "huh" under his breath but conceded.

I alway know what I want.

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