Thursday, April 30, 2009

More on middle aged men

Well, one middle aged man must be reading me on some level, I got my first bonus at work this week.

I finally got a decent, legible email from collarme - the guy is 40 (curious that he is at exactly the age I have noted my age cut-off to be) and his email follows.

Good morning Princess,

I came across your profile yesterday and almost sent you a quick three or four line ill thought out response. Then I took the time to read and digest your words and instead of a hastily generic note I wrote a more thought out one, which I hope will detail why I think we may be compatible. Thank you already for the tip on how to get to know you and what you are seeking in an introductory response. I wrote most of this yesterday and came back this morning after a good night’s sleep to reread it and put the finishing touches one it. I have put the same level of effort into this as I would any presentation I would make before a client. Perhaps more so since the words are heartfelt.

Like you I also do not seek a casual partner. A wonderful Domme introduced me this way of living five years ago. I met her after a break-up with her very long term sub bf. We dated for a year but she eventually got back with and married her ex. She taught me that I am happiest and most content when serving in a female led relationship. Since then I have ached to find that peace and connection. There are no disputes and things are simply more harmonious when two people share a single mind and goal. The happiness of the Domme in the relationship. I am telling you this not because I want to share information about my past relationships to you, but to set myself above others who may contact you for whom this is only play and fantasy. I have lived this way and KNOW it works for me and I was put on this earth to adore the woman in my life.

I am intelligent, fit and totally single with no children. I make a six figure salary, so we would have our choice of shoe stores to browse through! I enjoy a good life with ample travel and leisure and would love to share that. I have an MBA and work in the telecom industry. I am certainly alpha by day yet prefer to be the junior partner in my personal life.

I also would have no fears in speaking with you, should things eventually develop to that point and then planning a date with and getting together. I know this is getting way ahead of things, but you did mention the trepidation of others on here. Again and think that is because they are not true in their desires and experience.

I hope my email hits the mark and you are intrigued enough to write back and we can begin a dialog. I look forward to hearing from you and again thank you very much for all the help in your profile on how to and how not to approach you.


Very good, investing the same thought an energy you would put into a work project - what a novel idea. He made it to the next step, where he was instructed to "pitch a date". He suggested dinner at Pastis, a french bistro he has been "wanting to try". Picking a venue is something that only a self-identified submissive male needs direction with, I would think the obvious choice would be a standard with ample seating, flattering light and a bit of character - so why do my dates always pick something trendy? I suppose they are trying to impress me with how much they know about the downtown dining scene. They always pick something known to be "funky" or "hip", it's usually been open 5-10 years by the time they hear about it and my mind goes to the younger men who took me to Freemans right after it opened or Pastis for breakfast in 1999, when Mary Boone was a regular. The management of Pastis has several establishments that are newer, younger and closer to my area. I can only assume he's using a Zagat from 2000

For first dates, I always stick with what I know, it's a delicate balance - you don't want to go where everyone is going to know you, but I think it's a good idea to be familiar with the venue - you can tell allot about a person from where they eat. I know, it probably sounds like I have unrealistic standards - but my expectations are based on experience. If someone is not my equal culturally, it creates a familiar scenario where I'm the downtown insider who has already been to all these places, and my date is a tourist. I've been on this date before, and playing tourguide is not my idea of a good time. I already have the problem of submissive men who spend far more time reading fantasy stories about D/s than living it being tourists in my life - I know, it sounds nit-picky but it truly is exhausting, first dates are hard enough - being dominant doesn't mean that things that are difficult for everyone else are easy for me. Being cast as the dominant already means that I'll be leading conversation, subs always have a list of questions that are totally inappropriate and even if they don't verbalize them, I can tell that they are mulling over their deepest desires or staring at my feet when they should be signaling the waiter. It doesn't make it any easier when the person I am on a date with planned precariously, placing himself in an unfamiliar and distracting environment.

So what do I do with this guy? I know nothing about him, why is it up to me to play 20 questions? Prompting him too much with only set up a situation where I'll always need to provide directions. I don't know of a dominant woman who gets off by having simple tasks complicated, it's not sexy. We women have to jump through hoops in 3 inch heels and make it look effortless, clearly this guy trying but who is he? From his picture he looks like someone older than 40 - and if he's been dying to try this bistro that was trendy 10 years ago, what could we possibly have in common? If I had a time machine, I'd beam back to the 90's and have a cosmo with him when he was a little closer to my own age. I suppose I'll just write him a quick note, suggest a French bistro in my neighborhood from this century and leave it at that.

Hmm, funny French bistro story - on one of my "Vanilla" dates we were at a bistro and the waitress handed me the wine list (they always know!) my date muttered a little "huh" under his breath but conceded.

I alway know what I want.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Am I a frustrated middle-aged man?

I'm frustrated about more than my relationships, dating is inherantly frustrating but all things consitered, it's going very smoothly, I am using a site that does a fair amount of screening and the people on the site are committed to searching for a primary relationship and It's made a huge difference.

I'm frustrated about my job, I have been there a year with no raise in sight. I'm not being challenged, my skills are not being exploited and I am not working in an industry that interests me. At All. I feel like I am spinning my wheels. My day job not at all creative. I'm coming from a creative background and took it because I had been searching for months. I send out resumes, I'm not getting anything back, even from agencies.

It's rare that I think much about the submissive experience. I respect boundaries but have been exposed to submissive men long enough that (for the most part) I have stopped wondering what it's like.

Most of the self-identified subs I have encountered are middle aged, married men. Many seem to have resigned themselves to their positions unhappily, stuck in jobs or marriages that do no not make them happy under circumstances that discourage change. I feel, quite suddenly like a middle-aged man who is curious about getting spanked. I don't feel submissive, I don't want to serve or have someone above me but I am sad, and I can't seem to get sad enough to be done with it. I'm too optimistic to stay sad, it has to get better - so I'm up and down,and thats almost worse. For the first time in my life I see the draw of having someone put you over the knee and let it fly till you are crying about absolutely everything.

I'm not going to go do it, but I'm curious if anyone reading has had the desire to loose control sexually triggered by a sense of frustration or sadness from outside events.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It was supposed to be so easy...

In response to my Doing All the Thinking post, anythingshesays submitted the following comment.

You needn't do all the arranging. For example, my wife told me she wanted a vacation. I had to present her with a few different ideas and then go from there. I'd check in now and again and we'd discuss options. I did the work, she made the final decisions. Both of us were happy. Tell Dr., in general terms, what you want to do on the date, type of food and let him go from there. Just tell him the level of input you'd like. I'm sure he'll be quite happy doing all the work.

While that might work on your husband, it doesn't always work so well with someone you just met. Sometimes it works, I had an exceptional sub a few years ago who was a true key to the city. He was also the greatest cuck ever and flew me out to see a boy I liked play with his band in another city. I dated this man for under a year, and he spoiled me from the first date. It was a May-August romance. He brought diamonds and wore a tuxedo on our first date. On our second date, he brought two sets of earrings, two necklaces and a ring - for a person he met once. Granted, he's in the jewelery business but I hadn't asked him for anything other than advise, I was thinking of buying a set of peals, turns out I didn't have to. Like a true material girl I gave one set of diamond earrings to a friend along with the necklace and ring, they looked better on her. At the end of the summer, I drove cross country with the boy in the band in his Jetta.

I'm in a delicate position with the Dr. He lives across the country, so second date means somebody has to get on an airplane. I could have told the worlds greatest cuck to fly me cross country for a second date, and it would not have been a problem. He was exceptional, and this is problematic. I have a hard time seeing why a 42 year old single MD should not be as aware as a divorced executive. He's not a research Dr., he is not some freak in a lab all day - he has friends, and I doubt he has problems getting dates.

If I told him to get a chastity device or a webcam, I am certain that he would do it without hesitation. I find that allot of submissive men on the internet have paranoia about being taken advantage of, coupled with a strange entitlement that stuff that people get paid to do (fetish porn, webcams) should be free to them.

I'm looking at being closer to The Dr.'s area in the coming months, to visit family but I simply cannot afford the additional flight, the extra time off alone would be a financial strain. I've hinted about this, I joked that my 08 taxes were no sweat because I hardly worked. I have to be careful, since we met on I'm the potential Slutty McDominatrix trying to benefit by spending my precious vacation days getting to know a submissive stranger. I've thought about starting with small stuff, like the small fact that he could send a girl some flowers but that would essentially be sending flowers to myself.

That last paragraph sums up why I'm not here so much. I'm focusing on finding a nice, normal guy I can break and it's actually going fairly well. I'll try to post here weekly, keep following along - I will let you know if anything interesting happens.

Oh, my ex was having his guys weekend (he's a normal, alpha guys-guy around his friends) and took time out of his schedule to pop into a boutique and pick up a bottle of perfume that is made for a particular shop, it sounds fancier than it is - the cost was under $10 but the servitude is in it being a guys weekend and a girls boutique. A $150 bottle from the airport could not carry that sentiment.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Doing all the thinking

So much has happened this week. The phone has been lighting up with legwear inspired calls. I finally met the Dr. and I wore stockings.

I made a strategy decision, I've been dating both "vanilla" men and overgrown toddlers who identify as submissive. Toddlers are annoying, messy and generally a lot of work, can you guess what my new strategy is?

I don't see a Female Led relationship as one where the woman makes every decision, that would mean she does all the thinking. I'm finding that men who identify as submissive are expectedly ill-socialized, and thats OK but read they could a book on how to date or something, The dozen emails back and fourth to tie down a first meeting are so irritating that often the meeting never happens. it's a general lack of manners, a lack of respect for my time and efforts. Regular 'ol vanilla guys do whatever it takes to pave that road to the bedroom nice and smooth.

The Dr. is really great, I just wish there was an alpha bone in his body. It's clear that if there is to be a next meeting, I'll be doing all the arranging, and I did all of that for our first date.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


Thanks google, now I can use craiglist again. Google Auto-Reply is the answer to my prayers.

How great is this? I get an email that mentions domestic servitude, New Jersey, and an age over 40. Google divines from previous correspondence that I would reply as such;

dear jerseydad1959:

you applied to be my cuck, not my housekeeper. you won't be doing my laundry, my laundry gets sent out and is delivered perfectly folded by bonded professionals, not by a stranger who is old enough to be my father

you are not an ideal slave for me, you are not even local. you are consumed by your fantasies and cannot shut up about them. why on earth would I want that?


April Fools, auto reply is a joke courtesy of google.