Thursday, May 14, 2009

Tall & Polite

I've been on a couple dates with someone new, I think this one may be a keeper.

He's polite, and he has an ease about it. Many subs learn a few tricks, they show up with flowers and pull out chairs but they miss the mark on doors and coats. The motions can come off as jerky and foreign, like - for example, when a 6'2" guy stands when you leave the table, then hovers around wondering when he is supposed to sit back down. This didn't happen! But wait, I am ahead of myself. Lets start at the beginning. I noticed him on the online personal site where I have a vaguely dominant ad. After I made the first wink, he made a plan to get drinks. He suggested a charming venue with no prompting, then another one slightly closer to my apartment with minimal direction.

For my part, I made significantly more effort than I have made for previous first dates. I wore a dress, a new dress. I recently did a shopping spree at a national chain for teens with the focus of finding date dresses. The theory is that men are attracted to bright colors and lots of skin, I got a few floral numbers, if men are bees they can see my nectar. I feel like I am going to the prom every time I have a date, but it's fun. The dress means I'm not going to shirk on my hair or makeup, and when you are out with a guy ten inches taller than you good hair counts

First date - I wore a floral chiffon with boots, his first inadvertent admission of submissiveness was enthusiastically proclaiming "nice boots!". We met for a glass of wine at a newer spot in my neighborhood. so he both took me someplace I never went before and made it convenient. When I got up from the table he stood, then leaned on the bar chatting with the sommelier and scrolling through messages on his phone. It was effortless. His second submissive clue was telling me that his mother is "very dominant" very good! We got to the food part and joked about role reversal when he ordered the salad and I had something more substantial. Somewhere in the second glass of wine he grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and announced "I really like you." It was a bold gesture - a week later, I am still impressed.

Oh, but I skipped an important detail - I made a date with the guy who thought about it before he sent me an email on collarme, we had changed days and he had not confirmed the new date. His answers to my vague questions were too general to get any clear idea of who I would be meeting and it turns out he lives in NJ even though his profile says NY - and he doesn't even work in the city. I've had bad luck with jersey subs, so when this new guy asked me to have a drink the same night I accepted and changed unconfirmed collarme date to the following day.

After drinks I allowed him to walk me home, it was a nice night so we sat in my courtyard garden. I do a bit of gardening, and he was quite impressed with my efforts. Sometimes older men give pearls of wisdom, I once showed an older man who had a submissive crush on me my garden and he went on and on about how special it is (it is quite ornate, with fish ponds and a fairy house). This man somehow impressed upon me that any man who truly appreciates me, will appreciate this garden. It was one of those things you file away until someone brings it up. My tall date (we'll call him shrek) was blown away by my garden, he grew up in the city but somehow never spent any time in the hundreds of city gardens maintained by residents.

I was ultra-smiley the next day and cancelled my collarme date, neither cancelling nor smiling are acts I engage in with any frequency. For our second date, I wore a strapless dress with slingback heels. I didn't mind that he was late (hello, have we met?). He commutes out of the city for work and sent a carefully worded text explaining that why would be late. I had time for a quick manicure. At dinner he noticed my hands (perfect, like my feet) and asked my why I don't wear rings. Our legs were intertwined under the table the entire meal. There is a good nervousness with him, like being really excited about going home after a fun but tiresome trip. The only akward moment was in defining expectations, he said things went wrong with an ex after she wanted to move in togather. He was pretty clear about not wanting to move too fast, but conceded that if it felt right he would take that step.

I don't want to be the tick-tock girl, but I tend to get involved with people for two years at a time. I'm in my early 30's now, in another few years I will be in my mid 30's and I don't want to find myself online dating again at 37. I've never been good at keeping a schedule, but I hear other women talk about dating schedules. I'm pretty sure witholding sex is part of the equation too and call me crazy but I like my orgasms. That part is going to be difficult, last night making out got very gropey and I liked it. I guess you are supposed to date other people until you get a commitment, and I don't want to do that. I'm not even checking my online dating accounts.

Oral just isn't the same thing. I like penetration and I don't want to introduce a bunch of toys to a new relationship. Dominance, for me, is more about the minutia of daily life than sexual posturing. My most serious relationships were intended as one-night-stands, and I don't think thats good but here is the crux of it; if I make a guy wait that mean I like him, so the longer I wait the more I like him, as the stakes get higher I get more nervous, I drive myself crazy whilst trying to do the same to him.

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